Sands Antigua & Barbuda

  
The Twins

(Janessa & Au'ganelle) 

My boyfriend and I had been together for just a couple of months before I found out I was pregnant. It was so unexpected because we were both unprepared, we were not ready to have a baby. We talked about it and said we were going to have the baby. My first visit to the clinic I was a bit nervous 'cause I did not know what to expect. The nurse examined me and told me I was 14 weeks pregnant and it felt like the baby was doing OK. She advised me to go to a  Doctor.

I went to my Doctor 2 days after for an examination. He felt my stomach and said it was quite big for 14 weeks. He told us it was either big or I was carrying twins. I was shocked but excited 'cause I always wanted my first baby to be twins. My boyfriend was also shocked and told the Doctor don't play games. The Doctor sent me to do an ultrasound at Belmont Clinic and I went the next day. After he gave me the result I took them back to my doctor who read them and said indeed I was carrying twins but there was something wrong with one of them. He told us one of them had a spinal defect and was not going to live. I was devastated. I started to cry, my boyfriend was there to comfort me.

He told me he had to monitor the twin with the defect closely so I had to go to the Doctor's office every month and do ultrasounds every time I went. I went home that day and I cried but I had hope still 'cause the other one would be alright.

Everyone at work cheered me up and I knew they would all be there for me. My boyfriend was also devastated. My next visit the Doctor told me it seems like he was going to die soon, but he was a fighter and so he continues to live.

On the 8th November I was home alone watching TV when I felt a warm sticky liquid running down my leg. I thought I was urinating myself so I went to the bathroom to bathe, but it seems like it would not stop flowing and then I got nervous and called my Doctor and told her. She told me to go to the hospital immediately. I called my boyfriend and told him. He said he would be there shortly. I was so scared 'cause I was in no pain whatsoever and didn't know what was happening. A few minutes after my friend called and said she was on her way for me. She came and we packed a few things and went to the hospital. I didn't think I was going to give birth 'cause I was only 7 months pregnant.

When I arrived a nurse examined me and told me I had ruptured and was leaking fluids and would be on bed rest. A few minutes after my boyfriend arrived and we talked until it was time for him to leave. The second day at the hospital I did an ultrasound and they said they were both still alive but something strange was happening - one was taking fluid from the other. A little into the night I started feeling pain and I told the nurse. She told me she couldn't do anything. My family and boyfriend arrived to see me and saw all the pain I was in. My boyfriend began to cry and told me he wished he could take my pain away.

After they left I tried to get some sleep but I couldn't. I was in too much pain. The next day the Doctor gave me 2 tablets and an injection to ease off the pain. The injection was to help the babies lungs develop. The tablets had no effect on me and I was still feeling pain and much worse. I tried to eat something to keep up my strength. In the night my family and friends came and saw me. After they left one of my friends stayed back for a while this time. I was crying 'cause I could not bear the pain. Fifteen minutes after she left I felt that the babies were coming and called the nurse. She took me into the labour room at the very same time my boyfriend arrived. I was relieved 'cause I didn't want to be by myself.

The Doctors told me I was going to have the babies now. My boyfriend was in the room with me when I gave birth to our two beautiful daughters. They were born on 10th November 2006. They were not crying so I asked what was wrong and the Doctor told me they were both dead. I cried so much the Doctor had to calm me. My boyfriend went outside and cried too. We had grown to love them so much that it was so hard to loose them. I didn't even get a chance to know them. I blamed myself, then I blamed the Doctor and then blamed God and wonder how he could have done such a thing, but as they say, everything happens for a reason.

After they cleaned me up they left us alone in the room with the twins. Tears came to both of our eyes. I wanted to die. They looked so peaceful as if they were just sleeping.

My co-workers came to see me the net day and brought me a gift basket. I couldn't even smile I was in too much pain. I had cried all through the night. They released me from the hospital.

It was very hard going home with no baby. At home I cried every day. I thought I would never get through, but with the help of friends, family and my boyfriend I did. I still think of them when I am alone or when I see mothers with children. I have a card with their birthdays on it hung in my room so they will know I have not forgotten them and that me and their father love them so much and will continue to love them.

They are both buried at the St. John's Cemetery and we go and see them sometimes.

by Magdaleine Thomas 

WHAT MAKES A MOTHER 

 I thought of you and closed my eyes; and prayed to God today I asked what makes a mother

and I know I heard him say. A Mother has a baby,this we know is true. But God can you be a

Mother, when your baby's not with you?

Yes you can, he replied with confidence in his voice, I give many women babies, when they

leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime; and others for a day. And some I send to

feel your womb, but there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here, he took a breath and cleared his throat;

and then I saw a tear. I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today if you could see

your child smile with other kids and say "We go to earth to learn our lessons of Love and Life

and Fear. My mummy loved me so much, I got to come straight here". 

I feel so lucky to have a Mum, who had so much love for me I learned my lesson very quickly

My mummy set me free. I miss my Mummy oh so much but I visit her each day when she goes

to sleep, on her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek; and whisper in her  ear Mummy don't be sad today. I'm

your baby and I'm here. So you see my dear sweet one, your children are okay. Your babies; are

here in my home; And this is where they'll stay. They'll wait for you with me, until your lesson is

through. And on the day that you come home; they'll be at the gates for you.

So, now you see what makes a Mother, it's the feelings in your heart. It's the Love you had so

much of; right from the very start. 

In Loving Memory of

Nahjua Niemeh Naomi Joseph 

 A woman who looses her husband is called a widow

A man who looses his wife is called a widower

A child who looses his / her parents is called an orphan

There is no name for a parent who looses their child.......because there is no name that can describe the pain